Small penises have feelings too.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
