I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
