I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
