i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
