Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
