Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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