just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
