Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
