I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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