So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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