I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm both gender and math confused
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
