dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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