My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no you cant smoke seaweed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Alive.
So much puke
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we're so committed to being not committed
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
