either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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