He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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