I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize