I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
