I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize