She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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