oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
