So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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