There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
