just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
