So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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