Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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