Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
