i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sober January is a disaster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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