he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
