I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
