There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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