I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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