Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
