I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
