Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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