You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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