I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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