so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
