Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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