Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
