he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
