My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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