The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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