you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
