Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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