k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
