Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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