it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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