Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
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If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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