I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
