so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
