She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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