Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
