i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
