he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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