omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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