I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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