you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I need to calm my uterus...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
