i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
