i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
zippers are such a cool invention
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
