i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
