she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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