I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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