she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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