haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
