There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
