I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
