I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
