Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
