My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
